Being "Cool"

Ever notice how often people attempt throughout their lives to be "cool." In grade school it's...um...bringing your own lunch, or having certain friends...or perhaps wearing the best clothing. It's been a long time since I've been that young, so it's hard to remember.

In middle school, we start heading towards dating and self-discovery. So, we want to look good and we want to be popular. This really brings one into high school...in high school, these continue. To be cool, you have to have the perfect body, have money, have friends, go to the best parties, being in the right circle of friends.

In college, it's more about friends and dressing right, really. I mean, the need for the perfect body may continue or begin. This one also brings the control aspect. You control your life. For some people, the perfect grades and whatnot. If one didn't party in high school, there is a great chance they'd party in college. Some people even smoke to be cool. You go clubbing, dancing, whatever you can to be "cool."

In my life, my effort was often trying to be perfectly dressed with the perfect body and the perfect friends. Moving as much as we did, I had to look for the right people to be my friends. I would, in high school, often date my way into the right circles. In college, it was still about keeping myself in shape and being "different." This really looked like whatever I wanted it to at different times. I was at the right parties and the right events. Making appearances as often as possible, or necessary.

I continued to do my best to look great and dress right for my girlfriend and wife. Then the coolness I had continued until June 30th, 2009. Although my lack of coolness may not be declared for quite a few years, it came to my realization that I can no longer be cool once I'm a parent. My journey of coolness has ended. I now dress my kids first, worrying about my own clothing little or none. I wear stuff now that I wouldn't be caught dead in my younger years...and it doesn't bother me. It just hits me every so often that I'm not "cool" anymore. I don't strive for it, I don't try to be. I now will dress like a parent, not like a single or married man.

This isn't griping about being a parent, I love it. It's just the realization that with aging comes changes and this happens to be one of them. I'm not cool anymore, but I'm okay with that. :) I'm fine with my lack of coolness. It's just weird to think about. :)

Display of True Power

During Sunday School today, we discussed forgiveness. The Roman soldier who said, "Surely this is the Son of God," came into our discussion. One thing hit me when we were talking about it. Back in those days, Romans went to great lengths within the temples to mimic powers. They would use boulders and such to create earthquakes and thunder, they would use different smoke methods to make it appear the god was angry...all sorts of techniques were used to create the illusion of power. More than likely, the Roman soldier knew about these methods and knew that the "powers" of these gods were within their temples. He witnessed the earthquakes and powerful storms that came upon Christ's death and he knew these were not mimicked acts of nature. These earthquakes and storms were the real thing. They were not limited to the confines of a temple, they were out in the open with the world as a witness to them.

It's kind of cool to think about. It never crossed my mind that God, once again, decided to show His supreme power over those of the time (reminds me of Pharaoh and the plagues). :)

Coffee Ain't Strong Enough...

Sometimes it seems that the older I get, the more I need sleep (and coincidentally, the less I get). Along with that, caffeine (my name is Josiah and I'm addicted to caffeine) just doesn't seem to work like it did in the past. I can have coffee first thing in the morning, then an energy drink and be dragging after lunch (barely make it through class). What is this nonsense? I remember when I was working on my first bachelor's degree, I would have 2+ energy drinks a day, not to mention caffeine at meals, too.

I have to say that being a parent is a wonderful endeavor. The issue in dealing with parenting and this topic is that children are draining!! No matter how many times I toss my son in the air, or let him tackle me or chase him around, he doesn't get tired. My energy is pretty much gone after about ten minutes and all that's happened to him is that he's fired up for ten more!!! I know that I'm aging, but I'm not that old, darnit! I'm only 27! Having kids is tough! Not just all the new experiences, but the fact that they seem to have an endless supply of energy...where does it come from?! I wanna know so I can tap into some for myself!

Regardless of the falling affect of coffee on me, I will not give it up anytime soon. It's just too darn good for that! Maybe I'll get sick soon, so I can't have anything but water to drink and then when I return to coffee, it'll wire me for hours, who knows? And...speaking of getting wired, that five hour energy stuff doesn't work for me. I figured I'd try it out...yeah, didn't do a thing. I had to drink an energy drink just to last through the morning because it was as if I hadn't had anything.

So...here I am, an old man...with one child with an unrelenting amount of energy...and soon both of them will have this energy. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I'll be even older then, and, well, maybe they'll create a way to have caffeine shot directly into the bloodstream or something by then so I'll be able to manage...or find something that works even better, who knows? :) Gotta go, the young one is hungry...

Parenting

I must say, the flaws of the human never seem to reach fruition within ones self until one is a parent. I won't deny that I have had many problems and have done my share of sins and stupid stuff (would've said "things" but I have no intention of rhyming on here). :) But, how it affects someone is different. Here I have two beautiful sons and I fear every error I make. I may not make the same choices in a lot of areas that my parents did (for my own reasons); I make plenty of choices of my own that make me upset.

It's hard to describe, but it seems that I always viewed my parents as super-human. I know that they made mistakes, but they were always more than human, for some odd reason. It's like they were on a pedestal. This is something that I still struggle with today, but I'm much better. It's not like they did everything right and we never had problems, it was just that they...I don't know how to explain it.

Anyway, as a parent myself, I don't view myself like that, at all. I see all the mistakes I'm making and it tears me apart sometimes. Recently, while trying to grab one kid who wouldn't listen to me, I bumped the youngest one's head (of whom I was holding). It startled him and he started to cry. That was a tough night. I dragged the one who was in trouble out of the room and rocked the other one back to sleep. Then, when my wife was back in the living room, I had to leave. I was so upset with myself for the whole situation. I had never been careless enough to bump the head of either of the children on anything. And the other one got in trouble and he may or may not have realized that he was doing wrong...though he probably did.

It's so much easier to beat yourself up for mistakes when you are a parent and these mistakes are made to/around your children. I know mine are probably too young to remember this when they get older, but that doesn't lift the burden. Sometimes, I wish that there was a way to do everything right, but I know there isn't. I now understand what my mom and dad say when they talk about their mistakes. But what every parent should know is that most children don't remember those...I remember the good times with my family and some of the difficult, but not in the way they do. I know that when we have struggles and arguments, it'll be harder on me than the boys. It's hard now...

My only hope from all this is that when I look back when the boys are all grown up and moved out, I will be able to see all the positives and less negatives... :)

"Terrible Twos"

Just out of curiosity, why are the twos so "terrible"? I mean, I fully understand that having my son throwing himself on the floor and screaming for no apparent reason is rather frustrating, but I often see a similar attitude in people of all ages.

How often is it that if you go out somewhere to eat, you hear someone griping and complaining about someone or something? How often do people you know complain? There are those who seem to never fully exit the stage of "terrible two". Some people seem to find everything negative and are so often throwing vocal tantrums that it's just too much.

Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with venting. And sometimes we all need to vent to release steam. Some more than others. The thing I'm talking about are people who need to gripe and complain about practically everything that doesn't go their way. They want certain things and do not get them. I remember someone who wanted a certain Wii game (he was in college) and his sister didn't quite have the money for it (she already had other gifts for him) and he whined about it because he really wanted that game (went on about it for a good five minutes). Here we have a twenty year old whining because his sister couldn't afford a Wii game?

I, too often, see vocal tantrums thrown about useless and pointless things. So, I think the only thing terrible about these "terrible twos" is the fact that we have no idea what is upsetting him. Since he is unable to talk, he shows his distain the only way he knows how. So, I don't really consider it all that terrible, just frustrating. I look forward to him talking and understanding more so that we can avoid all these tantrums and stop them when they start.

Resolutions...

I have one word to describe New Year's Resolutions - Foolishness. Okay, done. Bye! As if I would ever have an entry this short; I enjoy my soap box.

The part of the year I hate the most is January, you know why? The gym is ALWAYS full in January and usually until February. By the end of March, things have usually settled back down to normal. So many failed resolutions every year that I see unfold. It seems that people start with so much steam and then allow things to slowly get in the way and then suddenly no longer have time for something they don't enjoy doing.

I will admit that I tend to not fulfill my resolutions because I really don't put any heart behind them. I'm just like, "Oh, yeah...it's new years and everyone else is doing one..." I'll usually have a date (by summer) that I have to complete a number of things. I can only remember once that I really fulfilled one...lasted over four years!!! That was no more caffeine. I started in 2002 and lasted until the middle of 2006.

I don't really think I'll make any this year, I don't really see any point. Why do I need a new year to make changes? Do people decide to wait until the first of January to make needed changes? That's foolishness, if you ask me! Start now! If there are issues in your life to resolve, start immediately! No reason to wait for a new year!

My son is crying, so I really don't have time or concentration...I'll prolly write more tomorrow, but I don't resolve to...

Christmas With Children

It's amazing the stages we go through when it comes to Christmas. As children, we hold the spirit of Christmas dear to us and often wonder what it is under the tree that is for us. Even in the many years when we really didn't have much growing up, Mom and Dad still made Christmas amazing. It was all about the time together, and I loved it.

Nowadays, with children as young as ours, Christmas has a different tune to it. Our children are too young to really understand what Christmas is about. Our son, Jeshua, was more interested in the gift that daddy forgot to wrap and didn't feel like dealing with on Christmas Eve. He got overwhelmed, really. I mean the poor kid had at least twenty gifts under the tree...and he's only 18 months old! Our other boy didn't have much...but one can't find many gifts for a three week old. :)

For me, though, it's not about the getting as much as the giving. I love to give gifts. I often don't do well with budgets for Christmas...I go over them. I remember that my dad would do that growing up and Mom would often feel that she didn't get enough for him. I now understand why dad did it. Because his wife deserved as much as he could spend. I had a budget for the stocking stuffers and I wanted to pamper my wife, so I went over twice our budget on that...Beth said that she felt that she didn't get enough for me because of what I got her, but it's not about that for me. I LOVE what she got for me. I loved spending the day playing games with her (when the kids were napping and in bed).

Christmas just ain't the same down here in Oklahoma. I want snow. It snowed some while I was down here...for one day and it was rained turned to snow...and nothing stayed, not even on the cars. :'(

But, with all that said, I will never forget the true Reason for the season. Christ's arrival on earth. God came to earth so that He could die for our sins. Jesus paid the ultimate price for my sins and Christmas is all about His arrival.

My dad would read the story of Christ's birth from the Bible each year before we opened gifts. I will do that, as well, with our kids. Let them know why we celebrate.

With all that said, having children changes the focus of Christmas. We spent the majority of our money on them (3/4) and only spent 1/4 of the total money on each other. :) Ever since I became a Daddy, I stopped really caring about my wants or needs, and focused solely on those of my son, and now sons. :) I've really babbled my way through this one. :) My mind is just all over the place today...sheesh! :)