Resolutions...

I have one word to describe New Year's Resolutions - Foolishness. Okay, done. Bye! As if I would ever have an entry this short; I enjoy my soap box.

The part of the year I hate the most is January, you know why? The gym is ALWAYS full in January and usually until February. By the end of March, things have usually settled back down to normal. So many failed resolutions every year that I see unfold. It seems that people start with so much steam and then allow things to slowly get in the way and then suddenly no longer have time for something they don't enjoy doing.

I will admit that I tend to not fulfill my resolutions because I really don't put any heart behind them. I'm just like, "Oh, yeah...it's new years and everyone else is doing one..." I'll usually have a date (by summer) that I have to complete a number of things. I can only remember once that I really fulfilled one...lasted over four years!!! That was no more caffeine. I started in 2002 and lasted until the middle of 2006.

I don't really think I'll make any this year, I don't really see any point. Why do I need a new year to make changes? Do people decide to wait until the first of January to make needed changes? That's foolishness, if you ask me! Start now! If there are issues in your life to resolve, start immediately! No reason to wait for a new year!

My son is crying, so I really don't have time or concentration...I'll prolly write more tomorrow, but I don't resolve to...

Christmas With Children

It's amazing the stages we go through when it comes to Christmas. As children, we hold the spirit of Christmas dear to us and often wonder what it is under the tree that is for us. Even in the many years when we really didn't have much growing up, Mom and Dad still made Christmas amazing. It was all about the time together, and I loved it.

Nowadays, with children as young as ours, Christmas has a different tune to it. Our children are too young to really understand what Christmas is about. Our son, Jeshua, was more interested in the gift that daddy forgot to wrap and didn't feel like dealing with on Christmas Eve. He got overwhelmed, really. I mean the poor kid had at least twenty gifts under the tree...and he's only 18 months old! Our other boy didn't have much...but one can't find many gifts for a three week old. :)

For me, though, it's not about the getting as much as the giving. I love to give gifts. I often don't do well with budgets for Christmas...I go over them. I remember that my dad would do that growing up and Mom would often feel that she didn't get enough for him. I now understand why dad did it. Because his wife deserved as much as he could spend. I had a budget for the stocking stuffers and I wanted to pamper my wife, so I went over twice our budget on that...Beth said that she felt that she didn't get enough for me because of what I got her, but it's not about that for me. I LOVE what she got for me. I loved spending the day playing games with her (when the kids were napping and in bed).

Christmas just ain't the same down here in Oklahoma. I want snow. It snowed some while I was down here...for one day and it was rained turned to snow...and nothing stayed, not even on the cars. :'(

But, with all that said, I will never forget the true Reason for the season. Christ's arrival on earth. God came to earth so that He could die for our sins. Jesus paid the ultimate price for my sins and Christmas is all about His arrival.

My dad would read the story of Christ's birth from the Bible each year before we opened gifts. I will do that, as well, with our kids. Let them know why we celebrate.

With all that said, having children changes the focus of Christmas. We spent the majority of our money on them (3/4) and only spent 1/4 of the total money on each other. :) Ever since I became a Daddy, I stopped really caring about my wants or needs, and focused solely on those of my son, and now sons. :) I've really babbled my way through this one. :) My mind is just all over the place today...sheesh! :)

AUtomated phone calls...

Okay...so who was it that had the bright idea to have an automated service when you are trying to call a bank to talk to someone? I mean, sure it's great and all, but when it prevents you from talking to someone, it's a bit frustrating.

We got an automated call telling us to call our bank regarding something we got in the mail. I looked through our mail and there is nothing that states that we need to call them about anything. So, I called the bank. Automated service. It informs me that I need to select a topic before I can talk to a representative. I don't know what topic I'm supposed to discuss, but I have to have one. I try to bypass this by pressing "0" (the representative button) and am once again informed that I need to select a topic.

I went to select one and got all the way to "Other" when I had to select a banking topic that the "Other" stood for...in which case it went through all the options I had bypassed to get to "Other"! I JUST WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE!!! Why can't I just speak with someone without having the topic selected...especially since I have no clue what the topic is about! What happened to the days when you make a phone call to talk to a representative and you were able to talk to one?!?!?! They called me and informed me that I must call about something in the mail (computer informed this) and when I call (having no clue what I'm calling about), I get the run-around by a computer.

I'm not some old person who is not computer savvy. I grew up around computers, but this is ridiculous! I, then, decided to go to the "Contact Us" selection on my online account and I had to have a topic there, too!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY TOPIC IS SUPPOSED TO BE BECAUSE YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHAT IT WAS!!!! I'm starting to see why many people are so frustrated with automated systems...when you want to talk with someone, it can be difficult!

Grrr....

Shaped Candy

One thing that popped into my head last night, as I ate some gummy worms, was who is it that decided that gummy candy should have certain shapes? Is it because we have teddy bears growing up that we don't mind taking a bite out of a gummy bear? One of the fiercest animals in nature we find comfort in eating? How about gummy worms? Sour gummy worms are one of my favorite candies...but why worms? What is it about a worm that if you throw some sugar and coloring together that it is suddenly appealing? Even while I was picking out my gummy worms, I was deciding between the worms and gummy insects. Really? Shouldn't I have been appalled? I was about to eat some "insects" or "worms" and I was debating between the two.

Let's go toward Easter. They sell giant Easter bunnies. What is it about eating a bunny? It's okay if it's made of chocolate. What if a little kid decides to eat "Fluffy." Guess what, kids. That's meat. It's not some chocolaty snack. (I would say "treat" but I don't want to rhyme)

Then we have chocolate eggs with cream inside made to look like an eggs interior. Imagine the horror on a child's face if they try to eat a real egg because of how good the chocolate one tasted. I would find it rather amusing, honestly.

How about "Peeps". They make them for every holiday now, not just Easter. So, you're eating little chicks, bunnies, snowmen, Santas, ghosts, jack-o-lanterns...you name it. And, it's okay. It's candy. We can eat candy that looks like stuff. Why is that?

There is still plenty of candy that doesn't have a shape of something to eat...so why is it that we have shaped candy? What is it about eating a shape of some creature that we find so appealing? Why is it we aren't appalled by it? If a child eats a real worm, he/she is in for a big surprise. They ain't tasty. Slimy, not gummy. I'm not a fan, myself.

But...we have them. Gummy bears, worms, insects, fruits...you name it. Quite odd, but okay. I just wonder who the first person was who decided that we should eat bears. And who it was that thought worms would be tasty. And...it's such a part of culture that we aren't even phased by the concept. What's next? :)

Caffeine...friend or foe?

So, I’m a major energy drink buff, but does that mean that caffeine is really helping? It seems to be an issue that scientists and studies vary upon. Some say that it needs to be used in moderation. But...what exactly is “moderation”? Some people are super-sensitive to caffeine, while other are not. So, moderation is different to each individual.

I have often seen myself cutting off caffeine completely (the headaches are horrible) and then going without for a while...before I get sucked back in. The longest I have been without caffeinated drinks was 4.5 years. I gave up drinking caffeine on January 1st of 2002 and didn’t drink caffeine again until May of 2006. (it seems like less than four, but you count the whole year of 2002. :) ) <- I had to redo the math because it didn’t seem right. :)

But, I am, once again, hooked on caffeine. Research has shown that caffeine is an actual better jump start to one’s day, however it can also make one get less sleep at night. If you only drink caffeine to start you in the morning, then the effects seem to be the best...but I tend to need jump-starts throughout the day. Although it doesn’t seem quite as effective. It could be because my alleged need for it at that time is from boredom, not being tired...easily confused if you ask me.

Those years of being without caffeine...I relied mostly on sugar to boost me from day to day. Luckily, I worked out so much that I didn’t get all pudgy. I worked out around 5-6 days a week...including cardio. I did alright in those days. The issue that I face with trying that again is this - so few beverages these days have sugar, rather than high fructose corn syrup (also supposedly is okay in moderation...). And I don’t drink that crap. Moderation for that is VERY little. But...that topic is for another day. :)

So...caffeine...friend or foe. I suppose it is both. It can either be an awesome helper that gets you going in the morning, or it can be an enemy that won’t allow you to sleep and drinks away all your cash-flow...the final decision is yours. :) GB!

Failure.

Failure. Just what is it? Who exactly is the one who decides what is a failure or not? I think that too often we allow society to decide what the norms are and if we do not fit that mold, then we "fail."

There were many years that I viewed myself as being too effeminate because I was trying to fit in the mold of what a "man" was. I viewed men as being buff and with deep voices and so many other things that I was not, so therefore, I was a failure as a man. It took years for me to realize that I'm not a failure as a man because I am who God created me to be. I am a man. My features are different than every other man. We all have similarities and differences and I don't have to think of myself as a failure because I do not fit into the mold of what our society defines a man to be.

If we do not win, we fail. Not true. You may lose a game or battle, but that doesn't mean you fail. You learn from your mistakes a push on. If you lose every game you play, you aren't a failure. Sometimes it's not about winning, it's about enjoying yourself. If you have fun, what difference does it make if you didn't win? After a while, it may become very frustrating, and if it does, do something else!

True failure is giving up on what is important. Deciding to not want to be a part of the lives of my family for my own selfish ambitions is a failure. Deciding that what I want is more important, then I would be a failure. Taking my family with me in what I think is important and including them would not be a failure, even if I didn't make it in what I wanted to do. Our family would be stronger for it. Rough times will happen. Not having enough money, not having the best job, not having stuff is okay. I was a custodian for two years because I wanted to provide for my family. We didn't have a lot of our wants met, but we met all of our needs. We were able to save up and splurge every now and then (nice dinner out and a cheap movie). I wished I could have given more to my family, but I was never a failure. And my beautiful wife reminded me of that at times when I was down. She has been my strong foundation in times of trouble. Christ is my ultimate foundation. My wife is my strength here on earth, physically with me.

So, failing isn't what society views it as. Society decides the little things are failures, when they aren't. They are moments to learn and reflect on what went wrong. So, win, lose and enjoy the ride! :)

Hey, Daddy. Thank You for every moment that I have here on earth. Thank You for giving me my beautiful wife to help me to realize what is important in life. Thank You for all those times that we didn't have extra money. It helped us to lean on each other. It helped me to realize what an amazing woman I have in my life. Thank You for our two beautiful boys. Thank You for this time in OK City. The NICU experience will only make us stronger in the end. I love You, Daddy. Amen.

Regret

Today's thought is regret. Regret is something that plagues us all. We are constantly reminded of decisions we have made, or didn't make, and wished that we had done otherwise. I am often reminded about things that, in reality, are silly. Some are more serious things that I wish I could change, but hindsight is not wisdom.

We regret the decisions we make with our children. We regret past choices of things that seemed right at the time. We regret things we have said, or didn't say. We regret our actions when we are in a bad mood. Regret regret regret.

I say, life is not supposed to be lived in the past, plagued with regret. One thing that might actually make us feel better is to write a letter to the person(s) of which we have regrets about. More than likely, they do not remember the incident(s). Or, if they do, making things right with them may open lines to a better relationship. If the person has already passed, write them a letter about all the things you regret. It won't change the past, but it can help you cope with your decisions. There is nothing wrong with relieving some of the burden off of yourself.

I regret some of the things I have said in the past to my family members. At the times of regret, I often forget to take the time out to shoot them an email until I am reminded again. It seems to be something that often plagues me that, I feel, they may not even remember.

One thing that I have heard said, and this works for all believers in Christ, is brilliant when dealing with regret. When the moment of regret comes upon you, you take the time out to thank Christ for forgiving you for that incident. Whatever happened, He already took on the cross. Your sin has been dealt with. He took the burden so that you don't have to. Your regrets are nailed to the cross. We have no need to regret any longer. We are new people. So, when that regret sneaks up on you, shoot an email and thank Christ for taking that away from you!

Hey Daddy. Thank You for sending Christ to the cross so that my sins have already been paid for. Thank You for "hounding" me and not giving up on me when I, so often, gave up on myself. Thank You for my beautiful family and my wonderful wife. She is who I need, and You knew that. Thank You for her and for all that I have. Please help me to not live in regret any longer, but to be thankful for the price paid. I love you, Daddy. Amen.

Change

Why is it that something that people fear (for the most part) second to only death is the one thing that will inevitably always happen? Change. On some level or another, people do not like change. Even those who do have certain routines that they follow and they don't change them. My life seems to be full of change and I'm not a huge fan of change.

I remember while Beth was pregnant with our first son that everyone kept saying "your lives will change completely," and I just thought they were insane. Sure, we'll change some, but not completely. Naive (I'll have to cover that word another day). It's amazing how much one's life changes because of a child. Our whole focus (monetarily and materially) became our son. We allowed ourselves to go without buying new clothes until we really needed to (rather than frivolous spending) so that we could buy him whatever he needs/doesn't need, but could use. :)

Even routines are often changed by unforeseen events. Traffic, flat tire, alarm set wrong..etc. There are usually two main ways that we handle change - panic or acceptance. Depending on what I'm doing, I'll either try and charge up the pace or just say "Oh well." After quite a few "oh well"s, panic will inevitably set in.

Change is usually viewed in a negative light, but it's not always a bad thing. It teaches us patience and gives us an ability to adapt. If we lived life without change, it would seem that life would be perfect, but I don't think it would. Because of constant changes in my life, I have been able to see so many countries and meet so many people. Thanks to constant changes, I met my wife and we now have two beautiful boys.

Thanks to godly people in the Bible, God changes His mind and didn't destroy the world. By sending His Son to the earth, God changed the destiny of mankind. We now have Someone Who took the burden of sin from us. We can be saved through Him so that we can be with God for eternity.

When we change our minds, our hearts and our lives, we will become true people of God. We will become the hand of God to a world that is in desperate need of it. All we have to do is step away from religion and show the world Who Christ Is. The world won't come to our churches, we must go to the world. Christ spent His time with the sinners of the day, but also spent His time with God. How well do we do it? How well do I do it?

Hi Daddy. Thank You for the beautiful day that today is. Thank you for both of my beautiful boys and for my family. I know that each breath I take is a gift from You. Thank You that we have a place to stay. Thank You for every meal and moment that I have. I pray, Daddy, that You will break my heart with what breaks Yours. Please show me the world as You see it. Help me to help others. I pray for guidance, protection and love. Please help me to love others the way You do. And to see them through Your eyes. I love you, Daddy. Amen.

First Thought..."Normalcy"

If I was ever introduced to a "normal" life, I would think "How weird." I guess it's just human nature to desire the thought of normalcy, but to have an innate desire for something "not normal." If everyone had a normal life, life itself would be boring. Even though we fear change and differences, we crave them. It is because of differences that we are able to seek out persons like ourselves to be friends with. We have small groups of friends with whom we have similarities. If everyone was essentially the same, how would we develop close, authentic relationships? Would we even be able to be in small groups because we wouldn't have differences. With our finite minds, I do not think we could handle a life where everyone is essentially the same. It is because we are not the same that we are able to handle this earth and prosper. God knew what He was doing.

He created two separate types of people (emotional and rational) to create a world that would be able to grow and prosper. If everyone was emotional, the would would soon fall into chaos. Everyone would act completely out of emotions and enemies would be created daily and soon every country would hate every other country and there would be much hate within. The world would be complete chaos. If everyone was rational, there would be no spontaneity, no love. Everyone would make every decision based entirely upon how rational it was. Marriage would be for the sole purpose of reproducing so that the world didn't die out. The smallest countries would have to fend for themselves because there would be no benefit in allying with them (unless they had something of value).

There are so many other differences within humans that I do not have time to express them all. I feel that God created us to be different for the benefit of our survival. He created us to be able to be emotional so we could experience and express love. He created us with rational minds so that we would be able to make decisions that were not based on how we felt about them. We are able to feel His love and love Him in return. We are able to make choices so we can decide to answer His call.

Earlier in my life, when I decided that I wanted to follow Christ, it was because I was afraid of Hell. When I truly accepted His call, it was because I wanted to be with Him. When I make mistakes, my cry out to Him isn't because I fear an eternity of damnation, it's because I fear an eternity away from Him.

Hey Daddy. I want to thank You for this earth and the mass differences there are within it. Thank you that we are all different people. Thank you for the beauty of the outdoors all seasons and all weather. Thank you for sacrificing Your Son so that we would be able to be with You forever. I thank You for my beautiful wife and my two beautiful sons. I know that life is a blessing from You, Dad. Thank You for every moment I have here. Please help me to make the most of what You've given me and not take it all for granted. I'm sorry that I often get so wrapped up in my daily life that I don't stop and count my blessings. Thank you for my emotions and for my rational mind. I often try and disregard my emotions, yet I know they are from You. I love you, Daddy. Amen.